I found these on another site and thought it would be funny to repost
* If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
* The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
* Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.
* Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
* A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
* If at first you don't succeed -- try management.
* Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
* Never quit until you have another job.
* Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!
* Go the extra mile--It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
* Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free.
* Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
* There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.
And a few managment ones
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a forenight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
A little bird was flying South for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.